Weighty matters
I’ve not been happy about my weight, and my expanding girth, for some time, but to be honest I think I’ve rather been in denial about it all. A not-particularly-successful attempt (mainly due to being not-particularly-enthusiastic and not-particularly-diligent) at losing weight at the start of the year saw a few pounds come off, but as of this morning they’d all come back on again, and the last straw was when I thought I’d wear a summer dress that I’ve not worn for a couple of years and always was on the loose side, to find that although I could still get it on and do the zip up, it was like a straitjacket. So I have bitten the bullet and joined WeightWatchers online, and have warned HD that I am probably going to get quite boring and anal about points and measurements and whathaveyou. Although the dress thing was disappointing, it probably is just the kick up the (lardy) arse I needed – I am now thoroughly fed up of being disgusted by my body and want to start liking it again. I’m not going to go mad, I have a sensible target, and I do realise that losing weight by itself won’t sort out any esteem issues I have (having lost weight before I remember being really surprised at how the issues remained; at least this time forewarned is forearmed). But I want to stop being out of breath and be able to go uphill without being miserable, and feel fit and energised. And to be able to get back into my clothes!
Today I have gone 1.5 points over my limit, which probably isn’t great, but when I consider all the snacks I would usually have had but didn’t because I was thinking about points I think that’s OK. A bit disappointing that I couldn’t have another glass of wine, as the one I bought today is rather nice. It also has something of an apt name – I promise I’m not making this up, it’s an Aussie red wine called “The Procrastinator” (1.5 points for 150 mls, and quite delicious).
Filed under diet | Tags: diet, weightwatchers | Comments (4)Shock
After Tractor Girl’s post I thought I might do a general foodie post, musing on my own thoughts and issues and idiosyncrasies. I might still do that, but before that I’m going to have to do a post musing on weight. This may be a bit meaningless for people who aren’t contacts of mine on facebook, but anyway – Nanny Ogg (formerly of this parish) put up some photos on facebook yesterday, including some of her birthday party 5 years ago. This was around the time I was last thin(ish – around 11 stone and a UK size 12 so hardly a waif, but quite a bit less than I weigh now). When I saw one of the pictures yesterday I was really shocked – I look gaunt, my cheeks are hollow, my neck looks like a stalk on my shoulders, my head looks too big for my body, I’ve got boobs like two poached eggs, and to be honest I look like Michael Jackson on heroin. I do realise that pictures taken in the dark when you’re dancing aren’t likely to be the world’s most flattering or representative, but this has really shocked me. I was aiming (not currently very successfully, it has to be said!) to return to 11 stone, but now I’ve seen that picture I’m not so sure any more.
I do need to tone up – I’ve seen a number of wedding photos where there are rolls of fat on my back bulging out of the back of my dress, and I’m quite upset about those! HD loves getting out and about walking, but apart from relatively gentle walks we do very little of that together because the tiniest hill makes me out of breath. I need to think about my heart (my pulse rate even at rest is often too fast) and my knees (one of which is a little arthritic, and supporting all this blubber can’t be doing it any good). But oh dear God I don’t want to look like Michael Jackson, and I don’t want to lose my curves. Last week I put off rejoining the uni gym, but I think this will give me the boost I need – to concentrate on fitness, health and toning, rather than losing pounds and pounds of weight. Hopefully it will also change how I think about food – eating healthily and sensibly and not to excess, but with health and tone in mind rather than trying to be something I’m just not.
I’m also shocked at how much I bought into the thin imagery that we’re assaulted with in advertising and the media and the like. I look at so-called celebrities with their ribs sticking out and moan that they’re too thin, and I honestly do think that bigger girls can be, and often are, beautiful (and totally mean it when I tell them) – yet I really struggle to accept that for myself.
This is absolutely NOT a call for compliments (though thank you anyone who says nice things 
). I’m just shocked enough that I need to witter and reexamine my values and my views of myself.
Good grief
All predictions on the detox/zit front are coming to pass – I can’t believe that only 2 days in I’m absolutely Mrs Pizza-face. Honestly, it’s enough to send for the chocolate. [I won't tell you about some of the other side effects - hopefully though a happier side effect will be getting rid of some of this lard!]
In other news, I finished this year’s tutorials today! I am so happy (and knackered) I can hardly speak!
Filed under diet | Tags: diet | Comments (2)In short …
Kitchen – covered in dust, boiler is installed but not finished, they’re coming tomorrow to finish it off. So another freezing night tonight (oh joy).
Diet (day 1) – started well, but because the kitchen was commandeered by the builders, we ended up having takeaway for lunch. Will try harder tomorrow.
Essay marking – woe! I think that about covers it.
Filed under Uncategorized, diet, home, random | Tags: boiler, diet, essays, random | Comments (3)How sad?
After almost 4 years (just over a month to go) on the Ship, something I wrote finally made it onto the SoF Quotes File thread. Am rather chuffed, though aware that blogging about it reveals the depths of my saddo credentials to the internet (who all read this blog, obviously).
In other news, I’m detoxing again and am back to the gym. Over the last week or so I’ve been really aware of painful joints, lack of flexibility and suppleness and only being able to squeeze into rather too many of my clothes by lying down and gurning. Time to lose that Romanian lard (I put back on all the weight I lost earlier in the year while I was there. Gah). I’m enjoying the gym though, which is good, and am probably going to go to their Body Conditioning class when the new gym programme starts with the new term. Apparently that’s a mixture of standard toning exercises, yoga and Tai Chi and a couple of students I was talking to yesterday raved about it. They warned me off Chi-ball yoga which I was going to sign up for – apparently the instructor isn’t that great, and it’s all really basic. Really basic sounds good to me, to be honest, but the other class sounds more geared to what I want – to improve my posture, flexibility and suppleness. And I’ll carry on with the gym and the healthy eating to try and lose the lard.
The weekend is going to be a bit manic – quick flying visit to sarf London again to go to a 40th birthday party in Catford (I go to all the best places don’t you know). I remember going to a 30th birthday party not long after I first moved to London, and thinking how *old* that was. Sigh.
Filed under diet, random | Tags: age, diet, exercise, Ship of Fools | Comments (2)